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Messed Up (written early 98)
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Messed Up
Somewhere special lies in my heart
Something strange lies in my heart
Someone new lies under my skin
Some things you can't change
Some things you can
Some things stay the same
Some things always remain
Sometimes theres a voice
Telling you its going to be fine
But you know something just started
And you know your in for Hell
And you know your in for Heaven
And you know in the end its gunna be worth it
Cause you know everything always is
And everything can take you by surprise
Even if its expected
Even if its crystal clear
Even if you know in you sub-conscience that its gunna happen
Even if your evens still aren't warning you
And you know the outcome
And you know the pain
And you know the grief
And you know the happiness
But you felt the tear
But you felt the knife in your heart
But you can feel the hands
And the embrace
And the warmth of another person
You know it never lasts
Something upsets it
Somewhere the car hits a bump
Someone does something silly
And it all gets messed up
Cause no ones perfect
No one can predict the reaction
No one can help you
Not even you
Not even God,cause he never says
Not even a friend
Not even your lover
Not even your mind
Cause thats life in Reality
What a messed up place
This Reality
As the locals call it
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Tool Box (early 98)
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Tool Box
Carefully I walk on shards of glass
I'm not supposed to leave an inch uncut
The pain feels so cool
The blood flowing out of my veins is ecstasy
Theres no joy in health anymore
Why be healthy on the outside
When you feel like shit inside
Why protect yourself against harm
When everything has some harm to it
Your drinking filth and eating out of hte garbage
And your contaminated with disease
And you've lost your sanity with the ozone
Silver decorated fingers,toes,eyebrows,nose
Black clothed from breast to thiegh
Bruises from your last boyfriend
Yellow teeth from second hand smoke
Holes and imperfections
Your the gothic fuck up
No ones faverite
No ones top choice
No one noticed
No one cared
No one can help
No one can harm
You decided yourself
You make your day
You make your life
You make you
So if your weird, its your fault
You believed the elders
You believed the peers
You believed everyone
Your so trusting
Your so pathetic
Your so not right in the head
Your so you
Do you know the truth?
Do you care to know everything?
Do you ever question anything?
anyone?
yourself?
Can't you figure you freaking self out?!
Its you, get over it
Make something out of yourself
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Baggie Brown (early 98)
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Baggie Brown
I want to flaunt it
I want you to see it
I want you to love it
I want you to hate it
I want you to touch it
I want you to feel it
I want you to reach out and grab it
I want you to make it hurt
I want you to make it bleed
I want you to make it bruised
I want you to bend it
I want you to twist it
I want you to do what you must
I'm showing it to you
I'm letting you do what you will
I'm taking off the censer
I'm unscrambling the image
If you want to see it
If you want to love it
If you want to hate it
If you want to touch it
If you want to feel it
If you want to reach out and grab it
If you want to make it hurt
If you want to make it bleed
If you want to bruise it
If you want to bend it
If you want to twist it
You can
Cause I don't mind
As long as you pay attention to it
As long as you make sure its seen
As long as I only have to show you
As long as I only have to let you see
What I have in my little bag
The one I keep near me always
The one I rarely take out
The one no ones really opened
The one everyones oblivious too at my side
You can play with it
You can poke it
You can suck it
You can squeeze it
You can do what you like with it
But don't touch the little bag at my side
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